The Inconclusive Scan

So, we had our scan just over an hour ago and what we thought would be an 8 week embryo, was just 5 weeks. There’s no way this is a miscalculation on our part because Eleanor is regular, and because she’s had pregnancy symptoms for the whole 8 weeks.

We’re devistated and having an hour long drive home was full of numbness, sighs and me beign on auto-pilot the whole way home. We have a midwife appointment tomorrow which was supposed to be our ‘Booking’ appointment where we register and ‘Book In’ with the midwife, talk about our medica histories and get into the system, Eleanor has called them so they’re aware of our situation and can change the appointment as necessary.

It’s one of those thigs that you never think is going to happen to you, we were so certain everything was okay, it all seemed fine, Eleanor was very much showing the symptoms of being pregnant, only to find that we haven’t really been pregnany for about 3 weeks. i keep wondering, where were we 3 weeks ago? What did we do? How did this happen? What could we do to stop it from happening?

We’d told several people, mostly family but a few friends too, it’s hard telling them the news, we were supposed to have some people over this evening (Eleanor’s ladies group) which we’ve cancelled and told them - we have a big outpouring of love and support from all our friends. The plus side of telling clsoe friends and family that we’re pregant was the joy on their faces when they found out, but the downside is remembering who we’ve told and then telling them the news, re-iterating it again and again for different groups.

I think I’m going to have to change the title of the blog now, but I think it’s certainly going to have some posts about our journey from here. We’ll try again but I don’t know when. We’re currently waiting for a call from our doctor to refer us to the appropraite hospital department to confirm everything and to do the harrowing task of removing the little beginning of life from Eleanor.

We’d bought a few cute things already, a squishmallow, a Miffy (from Amsterdam), all were in a box ready to bring out, but I fear now will just be reminders of what we have lost.

UPDATE - We are booked in for another scan in two weeks to see if the baby is just slow at growing or if we’re behind in our dates. This is going to be the longest two weeks ever and I’m not looking forward to it. I just want to hibernate and stop existing for two weeks, wake up, and hear the inevitable news. So, we wait…