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So, Eleanor had the miscarrage at the hospital, I don’t know what I can say about it to be honest. It was hard, I shut-down and burried myself in the laptop whilst Eleanor was going through it. I just didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t help, I couldn’t take it on, I couldn’t fix it, I froze, I burried myself into something I could control and fix and I’m ashamed of myself for that.

We had our scan yeaterday and found out for certain that our little one didn’t progress any futher than just over 5 weeks. The news we were dreadding came crashing into our hearts and became a reality.

So, we may have some hope - after talking to some friends, we think there may be some reason to hope that the worst hasn’t happened. Many people have said that a baby can quite possibly measure small at this stage, that people have had similar news from this specific group as they’re private rather than NHS meaning anyone can operate the equiment without the specific and in-depth training required by the NHS, that ME/CFS can impact the speed of growth, and more importantly Eleanor is still very much experiencing symptoms and has show no sign of having lost the baby so we wait. And so we wait, wait, wait for just under one more week, it’s been the longest two weeks ever full of ups and downs. Also, being the person I am, I look at how many people we know have lost a baby recently and the statistics are in our favour, but I also know that doen’t really mean anything - you can make statistics say anything, but I’m clinging to the maths.

So, we had our scan just over an hour ago and what we thought would be an 8 week embryo, was just 5 weeks. There’s no way this is a miscalculation on our part because Eleanor is regular, and because she’s had pregnancy symptoms for the whole 8 weeks.

So, today we get to see our little one for the first time. We decided to have an 8 week scan, just to make sure everything is okay and to see how many we’re having as our risk of multiple births is quite high to due my wife’s age.

It started with Eleanor not feeling great for a few days straight and someone at her work suggested that she may be pregnant. We HAD been trying but it was waaaay too soon for her to be having any symptoms.