Some Hope, Maybe

So, we may have some hope - after talking to some friends, we think there may be some reason to hope that the worst hasn’t happened. Many people have said that a baby can quite possibly measure small at this stage, that people have had similar news from this specific group as they’re private rather than NHS meaning anyone can operate the equiment without the specific and in-depth training required by the NHS, that ME/CFS can impact the speed of growth, and more importantly Eleanor is still very much experiencing symptoms and has show no sign of having lost the baby so we wait. And so we wait, wait, wait for just under one more week, it’s been the longest two weeks ever full of ups and downs. Also, being the person I am, I look at how many people we know have lost a baby recently and the statistics are in our favour, but I also know that doen’t really mean anything - you can make statistics say anything, but I’m clinging to the maths.

I’m feeling really hopeful though, so much so that I’m not even thinking that a miscarrage is a possibility which I really hope doesn’t turn out to be a big mistake but that’s what makes this kind of thing difficult as a Christian, where is the line between having faith and hope, looking at the evidence but then not wanting to set myself up for heartbreak if the worst happens because we do live in a broken world and the worst can happen, no matter your religious belief because simply having faith doesn’t mean that everything goes your way.

Believing in Jesus and what He did on the cross doesn’t mean you live in a world free from pain, it just means you have somewhere to go when things are rubbish, you have a counseller and a king who loves you and wants to walk through the pain with you, going to church also means you have a community of people around you who will love you and walk through it with you. THAT is what church is supposed to be, yes, a place to learn and to worship, but a community of people who will love you unconditionally be there for you; we’ve had friends continually checking in on us, praying for us, supporting us, people we wouldn’t know or have in our lives if it weren’t for church, we wouldn’t know and we both know these friends will be with us whether the news us good or bad.

We’re just waiting, waiting until Friday until we find out the actual news, the waiting is hard - Eleanor is still full of the symptoms of ‘Morning Sickness’ and if the baby is a slow grower, it potentially means more than two extra weeks of her feeling rubbish all the time but I think the joy of knowing everything is okay will overrule the thought of having two extra weeks of sickness. I just want to jump forward to Friday to get the answers, my head isn’t in anything else right now.